At what point in your life is it comfortable to be alone?

I am kept awake at night praying for my son to make friends at his new school, but I sit alone most days doing my work.

I know who my friends are. I know who I can call to grab a beer, see a movie or play racquetball.

But my heart is heavy for my kids to find friends. Friends who take them for who they are, what they believe and who they want to become.

How do we help our kids find friends and instill in them it’s OK to be alone?

Last week I attended a Boy Scout meeting to celebrate some achievements my son was receiving. I was prepared for a long boring meeting, but I was completely surprised.

I sat down and prepared for a long evening of some old guy going on-and-on-and-on. I’ve noticed that when a volunteer adult leader has a microphone, things take twice as long. I was shocked when a high-school boy kicked off the meeting with a robust “Everyone please stand for the pledge of allegiance.”

After that was complete he stayed up there and added two more boys to help him the evening program.

I looked around the room and all of the “leaders” were sitting spread out around the seats involved with the kids.

I started dreaming about how this model of leadership was important to the Boy Scouts and how well I saw it playing out in front of me. The group of three boys worked together to hand out over 120 awards and did a wonderful job, never being interrupted by an adult. They floundered a bit but kept on going. It gave me hope that my son would be learning from these boys.

Then I wondered about all my friends in youth ministry and how their “meetings” run. I started to picture how the leader is up front, kids are seated, and adults are huddled together in some corner of the room. Now I realize that’s a gross generalization, but I don’t think it’s too far off.

Encouraging kids to be up front leading and working alongside adults is a huge life skill that will pay dividends.

I wonder how many youth workers could learn something from a Boy Scout troop.

I have always appreciated Youth Specialties and still do, but my perspective has changed a bit. I not only believe that youth workers are under appreciated and taken advantage of, but I also believe that they have perpetuated a lot of the stereotypes themselves.

Now to the point.

Yesterday the National Youth Workers Convention kicked off with a bang. Tic Long stood on stage with a Philip Rivers jersey on and began asking questions of the crowd…”Stand up if you took a mission trip. Stand up if you have been in ministry more than 25 years.”

The vast majority of them were fun and interesting questions. The one that left me with a frustrating feeling was:

“Stand up if you made a parent mad.”

This was followed by people standing up and then a rousing celebration.

Now I thought I understood why the question was asked and some excitement was shared, as made famous by Will Smith “Parents Just Don’t Understand.”

But it really got me angry because I am also a parent of a “youth” in a “youth group” and have been hearing for quite a long time now how much youth workers struggle to get parents to participate in the spiritual development of their kids.

So it got me irritated to see the celebration of making parents angry and yet hearing how youth workers are frustrated about not being understood or having cooperation with parents.

And it also frustrated me to see an organization that is here to support youth workers encourage such a relationship between parents and youth workers.

If it’s a cause for celebration because you made a parent mad, I have lost my hope for youth workers and their ability to be a voice of influence in my child’s life.

And if it’s a value Youth Specialties sees as important, I have lost my hope for Youth Specialties to equip youth workers to reach youth with the Gospel.